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As a non-narcissist with codependencies, I also have a very devaluing voice in my head.

I do not have a grandiose voice. Is this normal?

Yes I understand this and it's normal for many who present for therapy. It is something I had to work on myself. I am a recovering codependent.

The negative voice you speak of was internalised through criticisms from childhood (family system or social system) and you are now criticising yourself. You must stop if you want true freedom.

Codependency happens when we seek validation externally rather than validate ourselves internally through self love. This gives others power over us. Sadly it also attracts toxic people into our lives because we are vulnerable to control due to requiring external validation.

It's interesting how you are linking narcissism and codependency.

It is my experience that they do indeed exist on a spectrum and it is essential that we move from the codependent position to a healthy narcissistic position to be a stable and loving self.

On this spectrum is codependency, then we have healthy narcissism, following this is unhealthy narcissism, all people in these positions on the spectrum can work on change should they choose.

The codependent can become healthy and the unhealthy narcissist can also become healthy. However when we move up this spectrum to malignant narcissism and psychopathy change is less likely.

Should you wish to work on these dynamics I would encourage you to find a therapist that understands codependency and these dynamics. You can heal and emotional freedom can be yours forever.

For more information about the subjects covered in this blog, contact Margaret Parkes - phone: 086 832 0422 email:

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