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For narcs who make a lot of money monthly, is it common for them to limit the amount

to their family for basic needs?


Limiting finances is a regular pattern of the narcissist. It feeds their need for power and control. It also satisfies their need to see their ex partners general freedom and choices diminished so they can have control over their partner/expartner. Particularly so if the partner asserts themselves in the interest of fairness or neccissity.


This can lead to the demise of the relationship. As the narcissist can make life unbearable when they see their partner showing strength again.


Control of finances can happen if the partner is struggling financially and particularly if they have a successful career. The narcissist can be jealous if their partner appears to be thriving financially. The narcissist uses finance to hurt and control.


The causing of pain and destabilisation of another is fuel for them. This need for control and power is what makes narcissists thrive and often successful in their chosen career. They are often self employed.


I have experienced cases through my work where the narcissist has brought their family to the brink of poverty dragging them through court case after court case in an effort to bleed the ex partner dry of finances.


Meantime the non-narcissic partner has had to try keep the show on the road for the family emotionally and practically for the children. Throughout all this the narcissist ensures they themselves remain financially and generally comfortable.


They continue to manipulate everyone supporting the disintegrating family I.e. therapists, social workers, mediators, and even the judiciary, leading to unfair and unhealthy (dangerous) decisions/orders being made by the legal system for the ex expartner and their children against their will.


In my experience this can bring children to the point of serious emotional issues i e. eating disorders, running away etc and the protective parent will often brought to the point of suicide ideation. All this being a great feed for the narcissist seeing their ex partners life ruined.


It seems their main intention is to cause as much pain and hurt to their ex partner as possible with little consideration for the children. Sadly all to often the courts do not see this. It is all so covertly executed. It is coercive control being played out covertly.


I would encourage the non narcissistic ex to work on rebuilding their emotional strength. To learn to validate themselves and understand and believe that what they have and are experiencing is real. To get support from groups like womens aid/mens aid and work with therapists who truly understand narcissism and codependency. To not expect the narcissist to change.


It is likely to be conditioning from childhood which caused the non narcissistic partner not to recognise the red flags that can be seen at the start of narcissistic relationships. If we do not do this work we will not see the red flags in future relationships and are at risk of entering into similar relationships in every area of our life.


Good luck with your growth the good news is we can grow and reparent ourselves into healthy relationships if we focus less on the narcissist and more on ourselves. This work is also an essential gift for the next generation to ensure the patterns do not continue.


For more information about the subjects covered in this blog, contact Margaret Parkes - phone: 086 832 0422 email: mparkestherapy@gmail.com

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