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How do you un-narc your child? Has anyone been successful at doing it?

I have worked with this. It is complex. I wonder is there some role model in their lives they are copying. Or could they also can be in inheriting the habits of a parent, grandparent or peers perhaps less contact with this influence might be helpful. Express your feelings about their behaviour starting with ‘I' NOT ‘you' I.e. I feel uncomfortable or I feel hurt/sad/disappointed when…

Surprisingly a child who displays narc behaviours can have been over indulged with insufficient boundaries put in place and then for others the opposite can be true where they had undiagnosed ADHD and this was not understood and they felt over controlled by parents and teachers and they felt constrained and they retaliated.

The teaching of boundaries, strucure and respect are essential. It is important to be firm and consistent and to carry out consequences that had been previously outlined.

But can I say in my work I have discovered with many young people what looks like narcissism is undiagnosed ADHD that they are struggling with. The frustration at not being understood causes the young person to be difficult.

This can show up in late primary early to mid secondary school , particularly when they are expected to perform and plan.

However because they can't fit in with their peers on an intellectual level they try by being the entertainers or the bullies. Yet they are often the brightest but sadly all too often their needs are not met subjects wise by the educational system.

I would encourage you to have an assessment made by a neuro psychiatrist. Nine times out of ten I found this to be the case. It was probably a similar story for their role model too.

For more information about the subjects covered in this blog, contact Margaret Parkes - phone: 086 832 0422 email:

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