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Is it worth it to pay a psychologist/psychiatrist to figure out if my mother is a narcissist?

You ask is it worth investigating if your mother is a narcissist. It has been my experience in my client work that yes it is worth it for you and you only.

Your mum needs to do her own work. Unfortunately if she is a narcissist she is unlikely to engage in therapy and if she does it might be with the intention of disrupting the process. So keep her work separate from yours.

Therapeutic work with a therapist who understands narcissism could be very healing regarding past and present issues and the link between them all. It will help you understand dynamics you could never do before and have compassion for and reconnect with your younger self and the cruel environment you grew up in and provide the skills to reparent yourself. It will also help you to identify toxic behaviours in the present you might be conditioned to accept and how to deal with them.

Most importantly it will helps you to name the unhealthy family dynamics that surrounded your mums behaviour - Dads possible codependence or collusion, other siblings silence or pain, relatives who stood by and said nothing etc?

This work also importantly stops the normalisation of unhealthy patterns continuing into the next generation.

If we don't clearly identify the unacceptable abuse (emotionally or physically) that took place we could be programmed to behave this way ourselves with our children or marry someone who is similar to our mother because its familiar and we remain oblivious to the dysfunctions.

Finally if your mum is a narcissist and you do have children I would seriously encourage you not to leave your vulnerable children in the company of their grandmother without the protection of another healthy adult being present at all times.

For more information about the subjects covered in this blog, contact Margaret Parkes - phone: 086 832 0422 email:

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