I was only discussing this with a client yesterday. Very often those living with a narcissist are the ones who end up having a break down, or end up in a treatment centre and go to aftercare being treated like they are the “ sick one” when the opposite is true.
However in my clients case as with many other clients the narcissist charms the organisation or the therapist caring for their parter by lying to keep control thus causing more confusion for the people like yourself and the carers tend to believe the narcissist which further destabalises you.
I would encourage u to find a therapist who understands narcissism and start working with them to get support to build yourself up because you have become codependent. Also I would encourage you to read the book ‘codependent no more” by Mellody Beattie. You can never change the narcissist but you can change yourself.
Start to watch out for his gaslighting destabilising behaviour. Don't justify yourself, don't go head to head, just say how you feel starting with I and let go of the response. Lisa A Romano has excellent podcasts on gaslighting.
Tell others about his behaviour, don't keep it a secret. It's very self validating and it shows him you are not afraid and that you are taking back your power.
Finally if he is dangerous and totally unreasonable seek outside help from womens aid. Make a safety escape plan if dangerous. Please google this. Keep a record of all your experiences and also inform the police. This behaviour is now illegal in Ireland.
If change does not happen it maybe best to engage with him as little as possible, if at all.
For more information about the subjects covered in this blog, contact Margaret Parkes - phone: 086 832 0422 email: email@example.com