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What is a "dirty secret" to a narcissist?

The malignant narcissist can abuse financially, sexually, emotionally, or physically. This can cause them to engage in abuse they would want to keep hidden.

An example of a malignant narcissist who has abused financially might be one where they knowingly set up false companies and sell shares in these companies for their own gains aware these shares would be worth nothing eventually. The exposure of this would be embarrassing to them so they lie and keep this behaviour hidden. Another example would be trusted professionals taking other people’s money and using it for their own gain for it never to be seen again. In the domestic environment the financial narcissist can leave their partner practically penniless on a weekly basis while they are comfortable. Sadly I meet this all too often in my work with clients. The narcissist of course keeps this a secret too. The malignant narcissist that is sexually abusive tends to see family and partners as an extension of themselves. This they feel can give them permission to abuse sexually causing destruction to those who love them. In fact some can engage in this behaviour in all areas of their life I.e. work or socially. They have very little conscience and no boundaries. They would be likely to keep this a secret too.

The malignant narcissist that is emotionally and coersively controlling is a covert bully that slowly destroys the selfhood of the person/people they live or work with, while presenting a different (nicer) person to the outside world. They leave bruises that cannot be seen. They keep this behaviour a secret.

Finally the malignant narcissist that is physically abusive leaves bruises that can be seen. Be aware of the love bombing or trauma bonding that might come after in their effort to keep these bruises covered so they keep this very obvious abuse hidden.

Awareness and courage are the key to protecting ourselves. Womens Aid and Mens Aid are a great support in many of these situations.

Should you have had any of these experiences also working with a therapist who really understands these dynamics will enable you to build your emotional strength to deal with with or avoid these toxic situations.

For more information about the subjects covered in this blog, contact Margaret Parkes - phone: 086 832 0422 email:

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